Sleepless

I hate the thoughts that keep you awake at night. They're always "bigger" than necessary when you lay awake listening to the person next to you breathing peacefully whilst sound asleep. Like you want to be.

I was awake most of last night worrying about things I should not be worrying about having to do with the closing on Wednesday. That's what we pay a lawyer for, right? So she can worry about the details? Only it seems to me like she isn't so I'm doing the worrying for her. I bet she slept well last night. Now, in the light of day, I know it'll all work out. It will.

The other thing I got to thinking about last night was flags. It used to be that seeing the New Zealand flag flapping in the breezes at Lloyd's school would startle me every time. I startle easily (it's a mitral valve prolapse thing) but still. Every time? Come on. Well, I realized last night I'm over it. I still 'notice' the NZ flag when I see it but it no longer startles me.

And I sing the national anthem at Lloyd's school assemblies and it makes me proud. Not pride-of-country proud (yet), just proud of myself for being able to sing it and not cry (as is my wont at the drop of a hat, you all know that). I used to have to just keep my mouth shut and grin and bear it. To tell you the truth, when Lloyd first started school, and going to these assemblies, it took all my power of will not to run down where Lloyd was and scoop him up and get him out of there! Get him on an airplane headed anywhere in the US and insist they play OUR national anthem all the way home!!

Also, I say 'we' sometimes now. Not 'they'. My dad pointed that fact out to me during a skype conversation earlier in the week. I was talking to my grandmother who was at his house and she was asking me what's here for restaurants that I recognize from home. So I told her we have all the fast food joints and have had them for years and we just got Dunkin Donuts about five or six years ago. See that? "WE"! Amazing; I didn't even catch it but my dad did. Made me cry.

Yeah, I know. It's a wonder I sleep at all. Casting all your care upon Him because He cares for you. Just keep saying it like a mantra and eventually you'll fall asleep.